well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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