I wanna bring you to show and tell
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
