Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You were trust falling into bushes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
