so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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