i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
