its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
