i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
