can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
