I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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