he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
