Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
