Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
