so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm too high and old for this...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
