You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
