No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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