Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
