You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
