Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
