Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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