this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
