hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We had to coat check the pizza.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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