I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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