ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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