I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
