You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Im part way to drunk.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
