what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Two words: blizzard sex
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
