I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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