Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
