Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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