some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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