I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
