You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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