i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
All the doctor said was why
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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