Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
