Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
you never un-have a 4some
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
