i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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