you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
