Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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