The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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