if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
