she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
