Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
did you just send me my own nude
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
