I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
