Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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