i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
