We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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