right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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