FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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