Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
