that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
