I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
