Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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