He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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