Just fell off a train. Bad.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
