im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
