Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
