Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
