i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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