She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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