Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
