the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
